Healing process

For the past year I have been struggling with regrets, decisions and being considered to be in early middle age. Of course many of us have struggles in life and not all of us air them out, but hey this is my next outlet. There was a naive time i my life where everything was mentally planned out and it was going to work out perfectly. Oh was, I in for a reality check.

College did not workout as planned, instead I took time off to enjoy my last few years of my teens and twenties. The nineties were definitely lived, but that can be another post. Now my first college degree was completed 9 years behind scheduled followed by a second in degree in nursing. Sometimes, I regret taking so long to complete my degrees, but in doing so, I was able to commit the energy, effort and time to complete each degrees in 2.6 years with a 4 year gap in between.

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Is showing them love, sharing, providing, setting goals, rules ENOUGH?

Screenshot_2016-08-15-12-27-00 (3)How do you know that all the decisions that you’re making are the correct ones?  Are the ones that are going to properly set them up for their future?  Are the ones to help form them to be loving, caring, supportive, educated, hard working individuals? Are going to guide them, and have them take a second thought when facing a problem?

 How do we know we haven’t broken their souls, minds, hearts, spirits, creativeness, and individuality; when we ask them to please do better, listen, behave?  Where is our inner guidance to support us; when doubt enters our mind: “Are we making the correct decisions for them and not us?”

Is showing them love, sharing, providing, setting goals, rules ENOUGH?

When does a person realize/know that they are doing a well enough role to not sacrifice the child’s imagination and life lessons?

Mommy guilt!

This morning all seemed to go as clear and graceful as the day that was brought upon us. Girls cooperated with their morning routines and were even ready 15 mins early.  “YES!!!! I will be making it to work early today”.

Enter drop off moment.  We walk in, say our good mornings, wash hands, put all articles away in the cubbies.  They sit down and I serve them breakfast.  Glance at my watch and wow I’m truly on point this morning.  Hugs and kisses to one and hugs and kisses to the next, but wait!!!!!  She won’t let go of my sweater. OK mommy loves you both and daddy will pick you guys up today.

And the water works begin.  Lower myself to her level and reassure her mommy loves and you’re going to have a wonderful day today. No NO No NO! Please stay, or can I please go to work with you.  Now this went on for 25 minutes and there was no reasoning with her as there is no reasoning with any 4-year-old. Negotiations, options, hugs, kisses and speaking; were all failed attempts on my behalf, but her guilt trip on me was definitely winning.  “Mommy you’re breaking my heart, because you’re not understanding me”.  How do I compete with that?  How do I bounce back and try to even win this one? Continue reading

Mother Nature


Mother Nature has allowed us the comfort of enjoying partial climate in the past few years, with some snow bumps along the way.  We became so accustomed that the true forecast of Winter was burned and became ashes in our fireplaces.

Now Mother Nature has decided to teach us a little lesson on not taking time, moments, life for granted.  We need to remember the unexpected can happen at any moment.  Time is not controlled by us, but instead time should teach us how to appreciate, learn, and live.

Stop the complaining about the snow; it’s a snowy, new canvas to imagine, re-group and contemplate on what needs to be cleaned in our lives; while we momentarily hibernate.   Spring will arrive sooner then we think; giving us the green light to evict the unwanted, un-needed, and un-warranted out of our path and lives.

This is Winter!  This is the area of the world you have decided to set your roots.  Embrace it, nourish it, and begin to comprehend it.  If you don’t, there will be others that take advantage of the Winter challenge.  Come Spring Mother Nature will remind us of the beauty she can hold.  And for the ones that decided to accept her challenge; it will blossom our minds, and souls.

What are you going to do?  Complain about Winter or Embrace the clean slate?