This morning all seemed to go as clear and graceful as the day that was brought upon us. Girls cooperated with their morning routines and were even ready 15 mins early.  “YES!!!! I will be making it to work early today”.

Enter drop off moment.  We walk in, say our good mornings, wash hands, put all articles away in the cubbies.  They sit down and I serve them breakfast.  Glance at my watch and wow I’m truly on point this morning.  Hugs and kisses to one and hugs and kisses to the next, but wait!!!!!  She won’t let go of my sweater. OK mommy loves you both and daddy will pick you guys up today.

And the water works begin.  Lower myself to her level and reassure her mommy loves and you’re going to have a wonderful day today. No NO No NO! Please stay, or can I please go to work with you.  Now this went on for 25 minutes and there was no reasoning with her as there is no reasoning with any 4-year-old. Negotiations, options, hugs, kisses and speaking; were all failed attempts on my behalf, but her guilt trip on me was definitely winning.  “Mommy you’re breaking my heart, because you’re not understanding me”.  How do I compete with that?  How do I bounce back and try to even win this one?

Her sister walks over and tells her, “please let mommy go, and you can play with me”.  Love my girls to pieces and love how the one that is not having the melt down will try to help the situation. Now the teacher steps in to help and very great-full she did.  Solution: mommy give her your sweater to wear, snuggle, smell your scent and feel secure that she will see you later today.  Thank you, thank you for this wonderful solution that took 5 more minutes of convincing, but eventually worked.

I never made it to work on time, and the entire drive; well I kept replaying the situation over in my head and wondered what could I have said or done differently to make her feel more at ease, or make myself feel less selfish over trying to make it in to work on time. 3 hours later, I called the school to check up on both of them and to hear how is she settled in.  She was still wearing mommy’s sweater, and preparing for nap time.

Mommy guilt on my end for having to work, having to complete my BSN-RN and wanting to always make up for loss time for the 3 days I’m in school.  Balancing the tight rope with Mommy guilt!!!!